Well, school has been kind of a roller coaster ride so far, and I've decided I'm not tough enough for this whole ordeal. John's had a few hard days, and my heart just can't take it when he's upset!! And I really don't like not being there to know exactly what happened, so then going back and forth between John and the teachers all the while trying to seem like I know what I'm doing is a tad stressful!
Here's the rundown on the run-ins so far:
Week 1 went well enough, but then week 2 started off with a "red" for behavior, which is not good. What the? John's teacher had a note in his planner that he had hit a girl while they were in line. What the? As I tried to stay calm and get John's side of the story, he just cried and cried about being in trouble, so then I cried, and it took a long time to get all the details out. Evidentally, he was trying to get this girl's attention to tell her about how he had gone mutton busting at the fair (oh, yes, you heard me!) over the weekend, but she wasn't paying attention. So, he knocked on her forehead (you know what I mean?)--kind of a weird thing to do, but not exactly "hitting." So, we had a long chat about keeping our hands to ourselves, and I had him draw her a picture to say sorry, but I wasn't upset with him or anything. Oh, the drama!
Then just two days later when he was brought out to my car he tells me he had to go sit with the director (aka principal). What the? No note from the teacher this time or phone call, so I'm on my own to try to drag the details out of this poor little boy. He starts by telling me that he walked in on someone in the bathroom.
--"So, you got in trouble for that?"
--"I don't know."
--"Okay, what else happened?"
I don't remember exactly how it came out (except that we did go back and forth calling and emailing the teacher also), but I guess this time he didn't want to line up to go get a drink with the class. "I wasn't thirsty." I can see his side of things, but then he threw a big fit, and so the teacher said she was going to call me, so they walked down to the office. Then somehow they didn't have my number (which I'm sure I filled out at least 253 times with all the registration stuff, right?) and it was almost time for pick up anyway so she left him with the director to cool down. He wouldn't even go out for recess, so it sounds like this was a pretty bad fit. Sigh. Another chat about proper behavior with John and also some loving reassurance that all teachers are bossy and he still has to go back to school the next day. Anyone else think the teacher could have handled this differently? I was kind of upset, but I really didn't want to confront her, but I just thought it was strange to head right for the director.
So, the next day went okay except that he tells me that he went to the nurse's station to rest, because his tummy hurt. It was hard to keep a straight face, because I was pretty impressed that he tried this--I didn't figure out how to use that line till high school! :o) So, one more chat that he can't go to the nurse unless he throws up. I hope I didn't scare him off from telling us if there is really something going on, but anyway...
Whew. I thought we'd worked out the kinks and things were going okay, but then comes his birthday. Just because things can't be simple lately, he shares his bday with another boy in his class, which they think is cool, and of course that's not the problem. Well, I (selfishly, I guess) wanted him to have his own moment in the sun with cupcakes and sillybands to give out I guess, so I wanted him to bring treats the day before rather than sharing the spotlight. I also thought the teacher would prefer to not have two goodies going on in one day. But of course I didn't email the teacher till early Wed. afternoon, but I didn't think this was a problem. I really am not trying to be complicated here!! :o) Anyway, she emailed back that Thursday is actually tightly scheduled and that she does need 24 hours notice and that the other mom had already told her we'd be doing it together and if I didn't want to do it Fri, could I wait till Monday. Well, John really didn't want to wait till Monday, and we had already baked the cupcakes. Such drama!! So, I emailed back that we'd do it Friday with the other boy.
So, we excitedly march in this morning with homemade cupcakes that John had picked out and helped make and our sillybands, and I hear the teacher say "oh, no" as she walks by without even acknowledging me. Excuse me? Did she just say that because I came in? Was I not supposed to do it today? Did she email back a reply that I missed? Did she not want cupcakes--we brought napkins and they have a sink right in their room for kids to wash up and I didn't dye the frosting and I know two other kids have brought them so far! Was it the sillybands?
I try to tell myself it could have been something completely unrelated and try to dismiss it, and I hope that John didn't pick up on it, right? Another teacher tells us to bring the treats to the back table, which we did and then I was trying to find the main one to see if there was a problem (not that I actually had the guts to confront her about what she had said, but I wanted to see if she was weird when I talked to her), but also to tell her that we had brought sillybands if that was okay. She said it was and didn't say anything more, so Sara and I left.
Then I called Jared to explain what had just happened to see if I was totally crazy and to cry. Poor Sara was a little confused by my blubbering, and I tried to be reasonable, but I just couldn't stop a few tears from coming. Jared encouraged me to talk to the teacher, but I knew I wouldn't be able to without crying and I didn't want that. He offered to email, but I didn't want that either. I planned to just assume it was unrelated and try not to let it eat at me. Good plan, right? (Can anyone see how John seems to get his sensitivity from me--sorry, John!)
So, a few minutes later while we're at Target getting one more bday thing for John, the phone rings and I knew even before looking that it was the school. It was. It wasn't the teacher, though. I think it was the secretary and she said it was district policy that we can't bring in homemade treats. They have to be store bought. What the? And why didn't the 2 teachers in his class tell me or the other handful of parents and teachers that we paraded past on the way in? Awesome. I remember at the parent night they talked about bday treats--please give 24 hr notice, please bring napkins, plates, etc if necessary, etc. I do not remember--obviously--anything about being store bought. Maybe it was in the "manual" that I signed that I had read, but had only skimmed. Sigh. Oh, and there are peanut allergies to work around in John's class, too. I didn't want John to be disappointed, so I wandered Target looking for cool treats. I just couldn't bring myself to pay for the big bakery cupcakes that I think usually taste barfy, and they didn't have any mini ones, and I didn't know if they were okay with the allergy issue. I even called the secretary back to ask if Ding Dongs are okay, but she recommended something even smaller for kindergartners, like fruit snacks. Well, those aren't as exciting if you ask me, but I went for it. I just hope John wasn't bugged by it--but he has 24 cupcakes of his own to eat now to help him feel better!
Oh, so then Sara and I go back to bring in the fruit snacks and pick up the 24 contraband cupcakes, which will now be our dinner I guess. A different teacher (I really need to figure out who all these ladies are) cheerfully greeted us as we came in, and made me feel so much better as she said she had done it before, too, and she fussed over Sara and she walked over with us to the back table, where the main teacher was sitting working with a student. I uncharacteristically blurted out something like, "Oh, is this why you said 'oh, no' when we came in?" I guess that was my effort to see if I had really interpreted the situation correctly, and she did seem a little surprised that I said it, but said no and we were all smiling and laughing off my goof. I guess I'll never know if that "oh, no"was meant for me, but I promise I'll get over it--now that I've blogged to you.
Anyway, there you have it. What do you think? Have you had any tricky situations with kids' teachers and how do you handle it?
PS--Yesterday John said his school was the best school ever, so overall, I think things are going great. I just wanted to vent about these little weird things, but I feel like things will keep getting better. Right?
What Have You Been Canning this Summer?
7 years ago
10 comments:
Wow. That's all I can say. I think from reading this that his teachers communication skills are terrible.
First, the hitting thing was sad. Having spent time with John and thinking he is one of the greatest kids I've ever met... I was surprised that he has had trouble. I think the teacher could have figured out the reason and kind of hitting and made that clear to you rather than just a note that he 'hit a girl' which immediately makes you assume something different.
Second, yes the teacher could have handled the second situation differently as well. I understand the teachers have lots of kids to deal with and one throwing a fit can be hard but I worked in many preschool settings where I had lots of kids too and it sounds like there are a lot of teachers around there so I'm sure one of them could have helped out if she needed it.
Also, with the birthday thing... you should have been told immediately and in person. I can't believe they let you leave and then had someone else call you to tell you and to get FRUIT SNACKS! That's just silly. I know that we couldn't have homemade treats anywhere I worked either but if someone had showed up with them we would have addressed it with them in a mature way right away.
I am so sorry that you and John have had such a hard time so far. I hope it gets better. If anything happens like this again, though, I would address it with the teacher about her being able to communicate things to you better.
I am feeling grateful Abi doesn't start for another year. I am not sure I'm going to handle it well!
I completely get where you're coming from. I've had a few run ins with teachers and I wouldn't consider myself a difficult person to work with. I'm just trying to take care of my kids and support them and make it all work out. I just want world peace, is that too much to ask?
Kindergarten is tricky because it's your first time and you don't have prior experience as a K parent. I hated breaking into figuring it out. I will say that first and foremost it's about taking care of your child. It's not about pleasing them or the office staff or the principal. Take care of your Kid!
Sorry things are off to a rough start. It is a crazy transition that first year. I typed a 50 foot comment but I feel that was going nowhere so I deleted it, but I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and I sympathize with the adjustment that you are going through.
wow, that is a rough start, katelin. as a former teacher and parent, i would go talk to her. not accusingly, and don't make a huge deal of it, but maybe just go pick him up and wait to pull her aside after school or something. sometime when she's not super busy, so she won't be on the defensive. I would just say, "you know, I feel like we've gotten off to a rough start, and i want to tell you a little bit about john." not that she has, but you don't want her to peg him as a problem child or anything. as a K teacher, she should be more understanding of the hard transition these kids are having, but if you go to her in an effort to help her get to know john a little better, and show your willingness to work together with her to help him adjust, she might be a little less...cold? since she's obviously not a huge communicator, you're probably going to have to open it up. i would just hate for her to get the wrong impression of john from the first week and then have him not be able to shake it. go talk to her. and that is my opinion. good luck!
Thanks for the encouragement, everybody! I actually found out there's more to the story from yesterday--she had told the other mom to come at 8:30, so I must have messed up her schedule, which still begs the question--why didn't she tell me? Anyway, I emailed her about it now, mostly apologizing for messing with her plan, but also asking her why she didn't tell me. Sigh.
I wouldn't take offense at all with what has been going on at school, really. It's hard when your kids are learning how to deal with other situations and other kids not listening to them. I agree with the teacher though, hitting is hitting and even laying a finger on another kid is a big deal anywhere. It will just get more strict the older they get so don't get too stressed over it. In WI while Tyler was in pre-k they also had the no homemade rule. I think it is to protect kids from any allergy food or otherwise. Plus I think they just want uniformity with treats and stuff. Everyone here always gets the same HEB cupcakes for birthdays with little rings on top and the kids love them! Good luck in the future, it just takes kids a while to get used to the way things are in public schools... tons of rules. In our school it's a rule that you can't talk in line also.
It takes a little bit for the kids to get used to the way a new teacher does things. Plus, this is all new to John and you, as well, so it makes for a harder transition. I'd give it time to let everyone get into a routine. I would definitely mention that you didn't see the no home-baked goods policy and would have appreciated it better to get a heads up directly from the teacher about that kind of stuff (I learned about it years ago when I taught and always thought it was lame, but it's most public schools' policy, nonetheless). I'm sure the teacher is probably overwhelmed, too, with getting into the groove with a whole new set of kids to get to know. Good luck and don't get too stressed about it. Sounds like John is in a great and safe school.
Wow Kate. That's a pretty crazy start to the school year. I think you handled it well though. We have a no-homemade policy here too. They're a little insane about it fact.
We've definitely had a few tricky situations with teachers/principals, and I just want you to know I didn't handle ANY of them as well as you have. My words tend to get a little ahead of my rational well-intentioned brain in those situations ... it never goes as well as it could have.
It sounds like the teacher could be communicating a little better with you. When I look back over our kids teachers, the best ones were all good communicators and didn't hesitate to give me a call or send an e-mail if they had a question or concern. That helps a lot as a parent, and it helps the teacher as well to have an open line of communication with you.
I hope things get better. The good news is that kids tend to move on much quicker than us adults too. John is such a cute kid and so smart and talented ... I'm sure he'll do GREAT in school. Good luck!
Oh Katelin! Reading this made me want to laugh and cry. I'm so sorry that it has been rough but I know it will get better. John is an incredible kid and reading this made me miss him. I can see how he might have a hard time adjusting to a new teacher especially since his teachers in the past have been so superior in every way (hehe :)).
And I brought homemade chocolate chip cookies and had no problems. Of course we are in Kentucky so we are probably a few years behind in most ways. But I did get in trouble for trying to bring him straight to his classroom when we were late one day when my car wouldn't start. And also for trying to walk him the wrong door. We were out of town and missed orientation so I kind of feel out of the loop on a lot of things. Oh well!
You did handle it all really well! Good luck and keep us posted on John's journey through Kindergarten!
Good grief! Life is so much more complicated nowadays! I'm sorry you inherited my "sensitivity" and crying gene, but I think you have all the right instincts to make it as a kindergarten mom. I never heard of anything better than homemade cupcakes for a bday party, but it does seem like everyone is allergic to everything these days. Remember they have to cover the old backside on all issues in our current climate. You just keep the kids safe and happy and you'll be fine.
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